BREAKING: I still have no idea what I’m doing

Really, though: the degree to which I have no idea what I’m doing cannot be overstated. And if you are starting to scroll down to find the rest of the story to decode what I’m talking about, you can stop now. There is no rest of the story. The whole story is I am making it up as I go along. FULL STOP.

Maybe it really doesn’t matter whether I have an idea or not but I have moments where I just can’t believe how truly clueless I am. Like last night when I was cooking dinner. All I had to do was follow the directions to cook and assemble the meal; it’s a local chef service I’m reviewing (post to come). But while I’m cooking the chicken, in my head I’m like, “I hope I don’t mess this up, I hope I don’t mess this up, I hope I don’t mess this up.”

I was just cooking chicken. Yet I felt dumb and worried I was going to give my family food poisoning for not cooking it right.

OK — maybe you’ve experienced that, too. Maybe that wasn’t a special and unique moment held only by me. Maybe our cluelessness is something we all have in common.

BUT THAT’S THE THING: If we are all equally clueless, who is in charge? Who’s the grown up? Who’s going to make sure we don’t blow up the world or suffocate ourselves with pollution??

Because at least I was WORRIED I could do harm. At least it gave me pause. What about the people in our world (or country, *ahem*) that have to actually make life and death decisions? I mean, I’m technically not a dummy. I graduated with honors. I read a lot. I rarely accidentally injure myself. And I was worried about cooking chicken.

So really some days I just CAN’T with anything because if I can’t figure out how to operate in this strange world we are currently living in and I’m NOT a total idiot, what does this mean for the people who fall a little closer to the idiot line BUT PROBABLY DON’T KNOW THEY DO. Is there any hope? Is it gloom and doom forever? Or does none of it really matter anyway?

I don’t know.

But I think I picked the wrong Lenten season to give up alcohol.