why your liberal neighbor is upset

Yesterday was a rough day. Just leaving my house made me feel exposed, raw, naked, vulnerable. I did not want to talk to anyone because I don’t know who I can trust anymore. And if you think I felt that way because my political party didn’t win the election, you aren’t paying attention.

Yes, I was proud to vote for Hillary Clinton. I was hopeful that my vote would not only contribute to breaking that highest and hardest glass ceiling, but that it would also support women’s rights, education, a better future for my children, equality, a living wage, a foreign policy guided by experience and education, protection of our constitution, and probably other things I can’t even remember right now.

To me, a vote for Donald Trump was a vote for bullying. It was a vote that agreed with touching a woman without her consent. It was a vote against Muslims and a vote against the LGBT community. It was a vote that condones making fun of individuals with disabilities. Support for Trump said to me that the office of the President of the United States is not something to respect or prepare for. It was a vote that agreed that a rich white man with no relevant experience is better for the job than a woman who has every possible qualification for the job.

To me, it was not a vote in support of the Republican party. If you are a Republican, you should feel insulted that he claims to be one.

If you voted for Donald Trump, you voted against me and my family. I am married to a Hispanic immigrant and am a mother to two Latinas. Donald Trump is on the record as referring to a Latina Miss Universe as “Miss Housekeeping,” among other things.

If you voted for Donald Trump, you voted for the older boys at the playground who looked down my shirt without permission and laughed when I was seven years-old. You voted for the 19 year-old who wrapped his hands around my 16 year-old thigh without permission and squeezed it like it was his while I walked past him at a basketball game in my high school gym. You voted for every guy who has touched my ass on purpose and without permission at a concert or a party.

If you voted for Donald Trump, you voted against anyone you know who is an other, by race, religion, sexual orientation, chosen occupation. Anyone who goes against the norm. And they do not view you as an ally.

If you think we are upset because our candidate lost, you are not paying attention. This is not Bush v. Gore. This is not the Superbowl. This is not like anything else we’ve experienced before. And it is on you to show that you do not stand for the terrible things Donald Trump has said or done. If you want to be an ally for the others in your life, you have to make us trust you again.

What I have been struggling the most with since Election Night is why anyone I know and love and believe to be a good person would vote for Donald Trump. Would align him or herself with a candidate supported by the KKK. I know there is another side to this I am not seeing. There has to be.

What I don’t want to hear is that you voted for him because of religious beliefs. I am a Christian. Not one thing about Donald Trump aligns with my Christian beliefs.

I don’t want to hear that you voted for him because he was the Republican on the ticket. You easily could have voted for ANYONE else for president and voted Republican on everything else. You chose to support him.

I am fearful that those who truly have hate in their hearts will feel empowered because of his win. I have seen evidence of this already in personal anecdotes shared on social media. I am fearful that the hateful people view your support of Donald Trump as support for them.

I need you to make this right. I need you to be an ally for those who are bullied or mistreated because of how they look or what they believe. I need you to do that because it is the only way to maintain a survivable balance in this country.

So yes, I am upset. But this isn’t about the political party I voted for. This is about the people of this country.

You won’t see me protesting Trump’s election. Our election process is seriously messed up, but he won. Fair and square. I won’t march against that.

But I will stand up for what’s right. I will be a voice for the voiceless. I will make sure my girls know they are valued and their heritage is something to be proud of. That everyone deserves respect and kindness.

What will you do?

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ETA: To those who read this and thought I called them a racist for voting for Trump, read again. I said, and will reiterate here, that a vote for Trump supports his racist comments because after the awful things Trump said on this campaign, those who voted for Trump decided none of that mattered. That having someone to push a Republican agenda through the White House was more important than Trump’s words towards black and brown people and women.

This election has consequences. A vote for Trump carried more with it than you may have realized.

Trump’s win has empowered hate groups. That is a fact. Follow Shaun King on Facebook to see some of the incidents people are reporting. He’s been sharing reports of assaults but also reports of love and support. We must seek out other points of view to understand what is happening.

I stand by every word I wrote, though I did take out the word “prove” because that made people think they had to prove something to ME. You don’t have to prove anything to ME. This isn’t about me. This is about the people who are targets of the newly empowered hate groups. The groups who now feel powerful because Donald Trump is the president-elect.

If you want to prove something to someone, prove to your black and brown and LGBT neighbors that you will keep an eye out for them. Show kindness and respect to those who now fear for their loved ones.

But don’t tell me how to feel. Or write. Don’t tell me to smile or calm down. This isn’t about me. This is about how more than half of our country is hurting right now because they feel that hate won. Prove them wrong by loving them, not by yelling at them and telling them how to feel.

“Hate cannot drive out hate;
only love can do that.”
– MLK, 1963

Comments

  1. I tend to keep very quiet on social media about politics and religion. I believe everyone is entitled to their opinion and I don’t think it is smart to post things that have the potential to alienate others. Since you decided to take to a public forum and tell me, as someone who voted for Trump, how I “should” feel, I have decided to break my vow of silence.

    HOW DARE YOU put words into my Republican mouth about how I “should” feel and making it like the Republicans (or those that voted for Trump) are making a personal attack on you and other Democrats (supporters of Hillary). It sounds a bit more like you have some pent up anger about the way you were treated in the past and I suggest you deal with that instead of playing the victim card. The victim mentality is so not attractive! You do not know my reasons for voting for Donald Trump and let me tell you, they are much bigger than having anything to do with him making inappropriate comments about a women or race. Unfortunately, because of your DEMAND to prove against some the false claims you are making, I am going to nothing of the sort. I almost didn’t waste my time formulating a response because I am not out to convince anyone of anything. My response comes as a message to you and others doing the same that IT IS NOT OK to judge us, put words into our mouth, and OFFEND me and my family and friends because we voted the way that we did. Shame on you, Candy!!

    • This was such a hateful comment Becky, and you basically proved the author completely correct.

      This article clearly shows the incredibly valid concerns that so many people across the country feel when it comes to the election of Donald Trump. We are terrified.

      At no point did the author say every single trump supporter was a hateful bigot (although who knows?), she said she was hoping that every single person who voted for him still decides to be an ally for minority voices and those who might be negatively affected by the election.

      Your angry and spiteful post is exactly what so many of us are scared of- you were so quick to be angry, you didn’t hear the fear and the reaching out for help. Shame on you. When someone signals a need for community to come in a slap them down because they don’t hold your values is simply wrong.

      I sincerely hope your neighbors or friends are not all like this. We will never come together with the attitude you just exhibited, Becky.

      • Your reply is comical to me. You might want to re-read the original post and my response and rethink your comments.

        • And your lack of awareness of your own hypocrisy is entertaining as well 🙂

          I’m off for the next, but bless your heart, honey.

    • Becky, she never told you how to feel. She was explaining how she felt trying to help people have some empathy. Something that Trump and a large segment of his supports lack. Being “blue” in a “red” area: you keep your mouth shut when people talk trash about Obama, you don’t want your kids to be ostracized by the kids of republicans, you don’t want people to make assumption about all aspects of your life because of your voting history (no I don’t smoke weed and yes I was raised Christian). As a rule, liberals (in my experience) are more empathetic, which is why we fight for the underdog we think about “Us” instead of “Me”. Candy was trying to help you walk in her shoes and see the election through her eyes. Obviously, you chose to be hateful and condescending instead. That is your right as it is the right of all of the disenfranchised angry “change” voters Trump appealed to this last week. We have a huge divide in this country and the solutions won’t come overnight. I encourage you to look outside yourself every once in a while, you may learn something. Maybe even a little empathy.

  2. I will stand with you. I will stand with your family. And my gay neighbors. And my Muslim classmates. And my black friends. I will stand with anyone who chooses love. I haven’t yet decided if I will march, but you can bet your should-not-be-grabbed-by-entitled-sexist-bigots ass that I will stand. Don’t question your convictions. Question Becky’s.

    • I am with you Elly, that is a great dig at Bill Clinton and HRC!!! You meant Bill right? I do have a question for all, how did everyone get past what Hillary has done to vote for her and not a third party candidate? You all have to acknowledge she is a liar (FBI confirmed it), she is a cheater (CNN confirmed it), she and Bill are corrupt (Wiki Leaks confirmed it). How do you explain to your kids, and in Candy’s case, two beautiful daughters, that is is ok to lie and cheat your way to the top? I am a white man (not that it matters) who voted for a Republican (a white man as described in the post) not a Democrat (a woman as described in the post). In my opinion the KKK comment was uncalled for, how can any candidate control who comes out and publicly supports them. I am fairly certain you are not implying I am racist because I supported the Republican party. Your husband, the Hispanic immigrant, is an awesome person, he was my biggest supporter (after my wife) when I completed my first Ironman. I will never forget the moment he and I embraced and cried that day on the race course. Posts like this did not happen when Obama won, neither did the protests….and I think that says a lot.

  3. To Lily and Elly: I think it’s quite ironic that the people passing the most judgment are the ones questioning my morals. For the record, I happen to love my gay and lesbian friends, my Mexican friends, my black friends, my Asian friends, and my white friends. I absolutely love all my friends and people in general. If you actually read my post without judgment you would see that I never condoned what Trump may or may not have said to women and people other ethnicities. I don’t condone what boys did to Candy when she was a teen. I simply said that my reasons for voting for him were bigger than that. I care about what a President can do for the country and our economy and it is never and has never been about race or potentially vulgar comments for me. Trust me, I have heard lots of men, women, boys and girls say vulgar things in my life. I address it if necessary and pull up my big girl panties and move on. I am appalled that anyone would judge me and label me based on how I voted. And that is exactly how the original article and your relies are written. I am saying that it is NOT OK! You might want to worry about your own “convictions” and stop passing judgment and start looking to unify the nation. That’s what I did when my candidate didn’t win 4 and 8 years ago.

  4. You might consider a different approach in the future Candy. I have had much more success bringing people into a discussion about something I feel strongly about if I make them feel as though they have a voice in the discussion. This is true in my personal and professional life. You have made some pretty tall demands based on your own opinion and left no room for your neighbor’s real feelings and motivations. My door is always open if you want to know why I voted for Donald Trump.

    • It’s a blog. It is her feelings. She wasn’t at a dinner party. The purpose of a blog is to express your feelings. Discussion is encouraged, but the whole point was it is HER VIEWPOINT. Feel free to let us read your blog and see your reasons for voting for Trump.

      • The original writer actually said “it’s not about her” at the end of a blog post that is actually all about her and how she views everyone around her. Way to jump to judgment. She says she’s trying to understand but she’s actually trying to silence anyone with a different viewpoint. Hypocrite.

  5. To Becky: just so you know…I did not vote for Hillary so this is not an I love Hillary comment. This is a comment about the post. It helped me gain a better understanding of how people were feeling that supported HRC. I do not believe Candy was saying everyone that voted Trump hates gays and minorities. She was trying to explain why the loss cut so deep into millions of Americans. And probably the majority of people wouldn’t understand because they’ve never been the minority. I am guessing?? you are not a minority or the member of a minority group? I’m not either, so this post helped me feel like it would to walk in someone else’s shoes and understand the depth of how others may be feeling. It seems like if you took it personally you may be sensitive about the subject? It might be more productive to just put yourself in the shoes of a minority and consider that the win for Trump is very scary to a lot of people for a lot of reasons that are hard to understand to those of us who are in the majority. Until I sat down and listened to a couple of friends that are members of minority groups and read this post, I didn’t get it either. So let’s not be so defensive? Candy’s point of view is no more important than yours. But everyone’s deserves to be heard.

  6. Brian R. Bishop says:

    The idea that some issues in this election outweighed voting for Trump is a cop out no one gets to take. You as Republicans nominated Trump, you chose him to represent you. You could have had someone else and even if you worked to have another candidate nominated you could have waited four years and nominated a decent human being then. Instead you voted FOR Trump. You own that. You own who he is and what he stands for and the morals he represents. You own it all.

    Nothing Hillary could do in the next four years, nothing Obama did in his eight years, no Executive Orders or laws or court rulings or even Supreme Court Justices are permanent.

    What is permanent is that Republicans have told the country and the world that they will vote for you even if you are a racist, sexist, bully. They will vote for you if even though you said minority judges can’t be trusted to preside over cases involving whites. You said that you’ll elect a President willing to threaten to jail his opponent if he wins and most unbelievably and inexcusably willing to suggest the assassination of a political opponent should she win.

    But most troubling for you liberal friends and neighbors is that because you had those other candidates to choose from, what the Republicans seem to have said was that they supported Trump BECAUSE he is a racist, sexist, bully willing to suggest assassination of a political opponent. That’s why you don’t get the benefit of the doubt with all of us. Of all the people asking to represent you and what you stand for you chose Trump.

    There are no free passes for that. Like it or not you own your support for who he is, what he represents, and the things he said. You said you support sexually assaulting women, or at the very least you said there is a time and place where you find bragging about sexually assaulting women acceptable. You said you believe minorities can’t be trusted to be in positions of power over whites, or at the very least you said you’d support someone who believes that and give him the penultimate power to act on his beliefs.

    You own that. No excuses. It’s on you to show you didn’t mean all the things your vote for Trump said.

  7. Brian R. Bishop says:

    Candy, you won’t hurt my feelings if you don’t want anymore of this issue on your blog and delete my post.

  8. Hi Candy, I have lost count now how many times I have ready your blog post and additional comments you made. I am truly seeking to understand your viewpoint. If I understand correctly, your fear is mainly that some people have or will feel empowered by a Trump victory to spread hate in the form of racism and sexism. That is a real concern that I think many people have right now. There is a lot of hate being spread from both directions right now. I have and will continue to be an ally for people who are treated unjustly. This election has been incredibly divisive and I pray every day that President-Elect Trump is a much better man than candidate Trump.

    We agree that this election will have consequences. You clearly do not understand my personal motivations for voting for Trump. Similar to Becky who posted previously, my reasons for voting for Trump are much bigger than my feelings about what either he or she said on the campaign trail. Unfortunately, you have written your blog post in a way that challenges your neighbors to prove something to you and you have left them very little, if any, room for any opinion of their own. You have categorized and labeled us using your own measuring stick calibrated to your opinion as fact.

    Maybe you never intended to have an open dialogue about this. It’s a blog post with a comments section at the end but someone pointed out to me that I should probably keep my mouth shut because this is your blog and not mine. We can all go back to only interacting with our friends that agree with us and nothing will get solved. We can all feel good about our opinions on things because “everyone” agrees with us.

    What if the left took a step back and really tried to understand why we voted for Trump? I would be glad to sit with you and explain why I voted for him. I am sure that I could benefit from hearing more of your viewpoint too.

    • Matt. A couple of things: first, you seem to care very much about our neighborhood. It’s great to know I live in a place where neighbors care. However, I believe you may be taking the title of this post too literally. It was not written for or about our neighborhood. I am using “neighbor” in a general, love-your-neighbor kind of way. To that point, there is a difference in calling someone a racist (sexist, whatever) and saying voters knowingly enabled a racist (sexist, whatever). I’m saying to vote for DT a person looked at the evidence (or overlooked?) and decided his rhetoric was acceptable because there was something else that made it more important to vote for him. Personally I’d never be able to overlook the things I’ve heard him say.
      Second, if you insist on a sit-down to discuss your reasons I’m sure that can be arranged but 1) it won’t change either of our votes or the outcome of the election; and 2) I’m not entirely sure we’ve formally met so it could be awkward.
      I am deeply concerned about the groups who feel empowered by a Trump win. I pray that DT surprises us all and leads our country in way we can all be proud of.
      But most importantly, I’m glad to hear you are an ally for those who are treated unjustly. I would hope that everyone could say that, and I thank you for giving me hope that we can all come together.

  9. Brian R. Bishop says:

    “my reasons for voting for Trump are much bigger than my feelings about what either he or she said on the campaign trail.”

    It isn’t the words, it is what the words told us about the person. You, and Becky, and countless others say there were more important things to you. As if you believe telling us there are things more important to you than racism, sexism, religious discrimination, threats of violence, and threats to subvert the peaceful transition of power this country was founded on somehow addresses our concerns rather than confirming them.

    You think that there are good excuses for voting for Trump. I don’t. I heard everything Trump promised to do. I’ve heard what Republicans, whether fiscal/social/religious conservatives, libertarians, free-market capitalists, hawks or others, want from government my whole life. I’m unable to come up with anything HRC could realistically do which outweighs the things Trump represents.

    HRC can’t get rid of the 2nd Amendment. Abortion is already legal. Is it because of the composition of the Supreme Court? I’m not really asking that you tell me your personal beliefs but I follow the Court a bit and can’t come up with an upcoming issue that seems momentous. Past SCOTUS decisions will stand because of Stare Decisis (personal gun ownership is here to stay as is the right to choose) or if they can be reversed then a future conservative court hearing the right case can do so as easily as a liberal court. It can’t be religious freedom. Trump opposes religious freedom, anything he does to Muslims can one day be done to Christians.

    Immigration? HRC wasn’t going to throw open the borders and cost the Democrats every election for the rest of our lives. The House of Representatives was still going to be controlled by Republicans so no truly liberal laws were going to get passed. Refugees already go through a long, rigorous screening process before getting into the country.

    Given that these “more important” issues weren’t any of those things it is frightening to think that something like getting rid of Obamacare or tax rates or trade agreements matter more than racism, – for example – to so many Republican voters.

    Liberals are left bewildered as to what was so tremendously important that you couldn’t nominate a decent person next time and give it another go in four years. You are telling us if your other choice is what I and other Democrats believe and stand for, you’d rather support (or at least rather tolerate) racism, sexism, religious discrimination, pettiness, spitefulness, vengefulness, threats of violence, and threats to subvert the peaceful transition of power this country was founded on. Are you truly wondering why that isn’t comforting?

    • Hi Brian, I’m not sure why you are “left bewildered” as you clearly have it all figured out. You know everything about every issue and it must be a foregone conclusion that no matter what I say… you are right and I am wrong.

      • Brian R. Bishop says:

        I’m bewildered because I thought I understood things. I thought conservatives and liberals wanted to get to pretty much the same place but disagreed about the route. Not to belittle big issues where we don’t see eye to eye, I thought if there were good jobs, good schools, and safe neighborhoods we could mostly come to livable compromises on the things where more fundamental or philosophical differences kept our thinking apart.

        Now this guy comes along who, to me, is clearly outside the bounds of what I thought were acceptable positions to take on a multitude of moral issues. And people elected him President. It’s not like he’s the Little League ref and his beliefs or morals don’t really matter in how he does his job.

        I don’t have it all figured out. I’m without a doubt right on some issues: Hillary can’t do away with the Second Amendment. Laws, policies, Executive Orders, court rulings, Supreme Court appointees, and the White House menu are all temporary in the long run. If a person doesn’t live to see the day things change then I suppose they aren’t temporary to him or her but I think my meaning is clear.

        I may be missing something of huge importance to millions of voters that couldn’t ever be done/undone if Hillary had won. Something that made voting for anyone other than Trump impossible or unthinkable. I try to keep up with both sides of most issues and I have no shortage of people who tell me why the conservatives are right and I am wrong or what a terrible person Hillary is and why no one should vote for her; but none of those things cross a line that can’t be uncrossed that I can see. Whereas in the past someone who made statements showing himself/herself to be unquestionably racist and sexist wouldn’t even have been a viable candidate in the primary, now that person can be elected President. Those views are once again acceptable (desirable?) to the Republicans for someone in the highest office.

        Now a white supremacist can say “Even the President said a minority can’t be trusted to preside over a case involving a white person.”
        But worse than that so can any candidate for any office in America.
        An member of the alt-right can say “Even the President said assassination, or jail, for the Democratic candidate is a solution.”
        But worse than that so can any politician or anyone who feels aggrieved by what a politician MIGHT do.
        Now any pervert in the crowd can say “Even the President says he just grabs women by the pussy whenever he wants so it’s OK.”
        But worse than that so can any teenager or college kid at a party or anywhere else.

        If you don’t think those statements took America somewhere it shouldn’t have gone, or gone back to if we’re being honest, then our individual viewpoints probably can’t be mutually understood. If you do find those statements abhorrent but felt something else was simply too important to let those statements influence your vote, I have been wrong and had my mind changed plenty of times before.

        (I know some people believe Hillary is guilty of everything from murder to stealing moon rocks and the Lindbergh baby but no one has ever even found anything with which to even charge her so I’m going to presume her innocent. Moreover, I’m not talking about any potential crimes committed by Trump either. I’m presuming him innocent of sexual assault for example, and only talking about things he personally said and/or sentiments he has affirmed.)