I mean, honestly, I would never claim to be organized. You will not ever hear me bragging about my organizational “system” or see me write about Ways You Can Organize Your Life Better. I’m sorry. That’s just not me.
Sure, back in the time Before Children (B.C.) I knew where things were. I could be relied on to pay bills and return emails and go to work. But I am not the kind of woman for whom those skills translated into motherhood. It’s a pity my kids didn’t know me then. I was smarter. I had more energy. I knew where things were.
But I don’t know where anything is anymore. OK, I know where some things are. For example, whilst sitting on my couch after the children have gone to bed, I can direct my husband to the snack he is looking for in the pantry. If you’ve played this game at home before, you know it is probably right in front of his face. He is standing right there and can’t see it, yet from my position in the living room I can say, “The eye-level shelf. No the higher one. Just to the right and all the way to the back. YOU MIGHT HAVE TO MOVE SOMETHING TO SEE IT.” And you know, of course: that’s where it is.
Despite my superior pantry knowledge, my mind is no longer a steel trap. Especially when I need to find ONE FREAKING PIECE OF PAPER. That one thing I have set aside and made sure not to throw away or put in a pile because it is for a fund raiser at my daughter’s school. I’m sorry — I meant to say another fund raiser at school, for this is at least the second one this year. How we’ve created a system where this is very much needed is beyond me.
But I digress as that is SO NOT THE POINT.
Nor is it the point that I have no way to send the pledge in; I know I can probably send it in (yes, “it” singular; “it” will be from me) in some other way. I understand this will not ruin the fundraiser. The POINT is this: it is driving me batshit crazy that I can’t find that freaking piece of paper.
And I only have one kid in elementary school now. The paper pile is just going to grow from here. Next year when they are both in elementary? I may need to hire an assistant just to take care of all the paper I get from school.
How can I not keep track of ONE FREAKING PIECE OF PAPER? What am I going to do when my kids have to apply for college? God. They are not going to get into college because I cannot be expected to keep track of all that paperwork.
Perhaps I should put them on the reality show career track. I bet those shows have someone on hand expressly to handle paperwork. Why didn’t I think of this before? Probably because I think reality TV is stupid. Except for So You Think You Can Dance. That show rocks.
DO YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN? I CAN’T EVEN KEEP TRACK OF MY TRAIN OF THOUGHT.
But you know what’s worse than getting distracted from my thoughts of that one piece of paper that I can’t find? That when I’m doing other things, all I’m thinking about is that one piece of paper I can’t find.
That piece of paper is the worst thing that ever happened to me. Except for the cancer. That really sucked.