On Women and Support.

Would you judge me by my underwear?

I apologize if you weren’t prepared for me to talk about my underwear right off the bat, but would you think any less of me if I told you that my undergarments don’t match? Because they don’t. Not even close. And they never, ever do. And most of the time neither garment fits me very well either. And just as often neither is in very good shape — there is pulled elastic, probably a few holes, and the colors are far from the original intention.

So basically what I’m saying is what you can’t see is I am a total mess.

Surely there are days when I am as mismatched on the outside as I am underneath, but I usually try to appear as if I have it together. But you are never going to see my mismatched underwear. Is that because I am trying to be “fake” or “hide” my true self? Or is it because there is no reason in this world for you to ever see my undergarments?

Sometimes I need my undergarments to help me out a little bit. Sometimes things need to be smoothed out or pushed up a little. Do you think any less of me for that? Do you find my need for support distasteful or shameful? Should I just stop it and look less than my best in that dress because my breasts should be able to support themselves after 39 years, dammit?

What if I told you that the other thing you can’t see is that I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety issues for a large part of my life? And what if I told you that some days are better than others, and some days I need a little extra support? Would your opinion of me change then?

At this stage in my life, my body and my mind have been through an awful lot. Though I have had some particularly dramatic points in my life, we all have our stuff. I think all women with whom I share an age or stage in life have probably been through an awful lot, too.

So maybe we should not judge each other. Maybe instead we can try to be the support to push that woman up a little or help her smooth out the bumps that she may be experiencing in her life.

If you were giving your dear friend fashion advice, wouldn’t you help her find the best shape wear to help her look fabulous in that new dress? Imagine if we took that same approach to matters of the heart and mind.

Support your girls, my friends. We know breastfeeding can deflate your breasts, but we don’t often talk about how the other things we do in life can deflate our sense of selves. Life is great and most of us are blessed beyond measure compared to rest of the world, but that doesn’t mean we’ve traveled an easy path to get where we are now.

Be the support you wish you had. You never know what battle someone else is fighting.

Comments

  1. Love this, Candy. I poured my mismatched-ness out today on my blog. Feels good to let go of the shame.

  2. I’m so with you. I wish we would all spend our time on building each other up and supporting each other. Everyone has a story to tell.