Drop me in your closet and I won’t have much trouble putting an outfit together.
Drop me a note and I’ll probably reply with a sarcastic comment.
But drop me in your kitchen and I will have a hard time putting a meal together.
If only I could feed my family with fashionable ensembles and witty banter…
I just don’t like to cook. I never have. I’ve never had any interest in food preparation at all. I don’t even like to wash dishes because of the food left on them. However, I am a mother and a wife and I stay-at-home/work-at-home. So this is kind of a problem.
And it’s not really fair, as far as job descriptions go, for me to be expected to excel in this area. Because I never claimed to. The thing is, though, I want my children to be healthy and feeding them well is kind of important in order for that to happen.
But I’m tired. And I have so. MANY. other. things. TO DO. I don’t want to chop up carrots and onions and peppers and stand over the stove and marinate this or turn over that. And raw meat is so gross. And because of years of digestive issues I’m not really hungry, so I’m even less motivated to do this task.
So it doesn’t matter how connected I am with my girls. It doesn’t matter how well they do in school or how many friends they have. It doesn’t matter that they always have clothes to wear and never lack for hugs or kisses. It doesn’t matter that I breast fed them for over a year and gave birth with no drugs. It doesn’t matter that I had ovarian cancer and chemo and five surgeries before they were ever even a thought. Because I can’t cook — and don’t want to — I fail as a mother. So I fail as a person.
I am not the Wonder Woman I am supposed to be.
I can’t keep up with laundry. I barely make it on time to pick up my daughter from preschool. I keep forgetting to buy subtraction flashcards for my second grader. I never have time to call my parents. My husband is lucky if he gets a full conversation from me after the girls have gone to bed.
I am terrible at this job. If this were a “real” job, I’d be fired.
So tell me, do you think my assertions are appropriate or that I’m being too hard on myself? Before you answer, think about how many times you’ve had this conversation with yourself.
I don’t know why we all feel like we should be doing more than we do, but let me assure you: we ALL feel that way. No mom at the end of the day thinks, “I accomplished everything I needed to today and more. I am the best wife, mother, and person ever. I am truly a superstar.” (If you do, go away. Nobody wants to hear that crap.)
That’s not to say we don’t have brief, shining moments when we are proud of an accomplishment, but overall I think we all feel that there is something we missed. Something we should have done, or should have done better.
I don’t have a solution to this problem. I mean, obviously — I just told you how I’m terrible at everything. BUT I can tell you this: you are not alone.
When you have those brief, shining moments, savor them. Toast to them. Dance around the house to celebrate. Allow the joy that comes with getting it right. Give the wins at least the same weight you give the losses. Let that moment have it’s time. For that moment, maybe you will be Wonder Woman.
And maybe that moment is just enough for today.