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Who do I contact about the Parenting Manual?

I’m a stay at home mom because I wanted to be. My husband and I planned on it and arranged our finances to make it work before we were even pregnant. I didn’t know what it would be like to be a mother at that point, but I knew there were too many little moments I would miss if I couldn’t be the primary caregiver for my children.

As I have been slowly getting into the swing of things for what will be my “work”, I’ve really enjoyed the structure and purpose involved with having a job. It’s nice having a very specific purpose and knowing exactly what I need to do to fulfill that purpose.

At a job, there is a right way and a wrong way to do something. Most of time the objective has been decided by someone else. There might even be an actual instruction manual. If not, there is some sort of established protocol – which also has been decided by someone else.

I’m not trying to dissuade you from working for someone with all this “decided by someone else” talk. On the contrary: I’m saying that sometimes I might like some of that “decided by someone else” action.

I cannot believe it is 2012 and no one has created an instruction manual for parents yet. I mean, when your two year old starts to negotiate the order in which she will poop in the toilet and stickers will be distributed, is there a precedent for that? Isn’t there some policy I can cite to make her just poop already while I hold the stickers?

And what level of signature authority is required to skip baths two days in a row? Is that OK? HOW DO I KNOW?

Is it OK to make scrambled eggs for lunch just because my six year old requested it, or do we need to send an email to someone about this? AND WHO DO I TALK TO ABOUT WASHING MY TODDLER’S FRESH BEAT BAND SHIRT? There isn’t a Laundry Department??? What the hell kind of chintzy operation is this?


So parenting is open to a lot of interpretation, I suppose. I think that makes it harder on the days I just want to know what the “right” answer is.

I need a decisive answer on when the right time to start my toddler in preschool is. I want to know when the right time to start working again is. Or, if my six year old has a bump on her eye that requires anesthesia to remove, should I do that?

I don’t have the answers. But it’s up to me and my husband to make up decide the answers nevertheless.

HOLD ON – I just answered my own questions: I will write this “parenting manual” but first I will pitch the reality show for it, which will mean my toddler will have no use for preschool, I’ll have no use for work, and my six year old can do whatever she wants (because that’s what a reality show mom would let her six year old do, right?).

Or… I may have missed my own point here. See why I need a manual?

The proper use of wine while parenting will be a chapter in my parenting manual.

2 thoughts on “Who do I contact about the Parenting Manual?

  1. What that picture doesn’t show is that there was a rather expensive laptop within 4 feet of that bathtub…Or maybe that was on another day 🙂

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