I waver back and forth between not caring what people think and caring too much. This is probably a sign of psychosis. This is probably not the only sign of psychosis I display.
Part of why I care is I want my daughters to feel secure. I don’t want them to feel that they are different from their peers, unless of course they CHOOSE to feel (or be) different from their peers. I always felt different growing up and it was an isolating feeling. It never really went away – the difference is I accept it now. For whatever reason, I often feel there are more differences than similarities between me and the general population that encounter in my life. My goal, however, is to focus on the similarities. To search for them and to embrace them. To let those similarities be the yin that needs to be as strong as the yang of the differences.
Because the truth is, I have a Freak Flag. And often I’d like to fly it. But I don’t want to force my daughters to fly my Freak Flag. They have to fly their own. Or NOT. They don’t have to be like me at all. In fact – it would probably be better for them if they weren’t.
Have I lost you at “Freak Flag”? Are you not familiar with that term? Then this is probably one of those differences I was talking about. I’m cool with that. Mostly. (*wavering*)
OK. Now I feel like I’m starting unnecessary drama regarding why I feel like a I have a Freak Flag to fly. And I feel like I’m saying “Freak Flag” entirely too much. So now if I have to mention it I’ll just say “thing”. Though if I say I want to fly my “thing” that actually sounds weirder. Or more weird. Whatever.
At this point I realize I have probably unintentionally succeeded at defining that “thing” thing for you.
But if you need a visual aid (to judge or not judge me by – whatever – I’m breezy), I leave you with this souvenir from one of our recent outings: